The X'Ho-Files

Maverick Proposal #23: Originals (Or, Look Who's Not A Pawn Star!)

BY X’HO

What they do to mavericks in $ingapore. They put them in jail. They bankrupt them.

"He bangs She Bangs, but Hung’s a refreshing original," Miss Society-Watch Cheong Suk-Wai gushed in the Straits Times’ Commentary/Analysis pages (May 20, ’04). "So just how has Hung succeeded in being the mala tang (Mongolian hot soup) to millions today?" (Hung, by the way, is the ‘gormless’ American Idol loser who went on to score a no.1 on the Billboard indie chart with his album Inspiration.) Her answer - "By being himself."

So the point of it all for her, her bosses and the nation called $ingapore is… ta-da… "Hung dares to face the failure which I think most $ingaporeans are seriously lacking" - is Cheong’s big boner of a Hung contention.

Well, on seriousness and failure, dare I remind all that not being $ingaporean, Hung knows zilch about ‘honest mistakes’ which any OB-conscious $ingaporean knows is not exactly a legal ‘entitlement’ of ordinary citizens. (Oh go on, spare some scapegoat-soul in the national press to prove me wrong, why doncha?)

Hello, have we so quickly forgotten, say,
bad English and how we went on
about Singlish being a threat to
economic progress?

In conclusion, Cheong wrote: "He is so bad, he’s good. So, next to today’s dime-a-dozen brash, blasé and bland celebrities (boy, does she understand real celebrities here!), Hung’s pitchy yelps, stiff moves and disarming grins are refreshing, compelling and, well, laugh-out-loud funny. Now that’s entertainment." …In America, she forgot to add.

Imagine a Hung in $ingapore, "he’s so bad, he’s good"? Ha! If there were such a character to gain national notoriety, our media corporation would not be Mediacorp! Hello, have we so quickly forgotten, say, bad English and how we went on about Singlish being a threat to economic progress?

Has Cheong forgotten that at the end of every Uniquely $ingapore day (wrong grammar there but hey, we’re unique, as in - more than unique, luv!), everything, not least entertainment and especially her column, is all about nation-building? I’m sure that despite her ‘noble’ intentions, she jolly well knows that a Hung in $ingapore can only mean a noose around the neck of, shall we say, ‘good taste’. Or, the morality of good taste when it suits society’s watching purposes. As for scoring a no.1 album… As those army enlistment ads here implore you to do, dream on, buster.

Like a true, honest-to-goodness, conservative society (let’s not forget that mighty declaration!), $ingapore believes in real talent and it being a disciplined and coveted profession. I mean what if Hung urges his audience to vote opposition?

She (Cheong) bangs on about those being refreshingly ‘Hung’ but don’t we all know that that’s ‘entertainment’ here in $ingapore. And, that’s laugh-out-loud not very funny at all. But that’s okay, cos we’re Uniquely….funnily unfunny.

P.S. I hope Cheong sees what great service this essay does for her job-status, confirming her pro-active contribution to her bosses’ agendas.

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